its that time in the quarter where everything is breaking. my computer was kaputt for about 3 days as i found out it was infected with a bunch of viruses, my camera was broken, my shoes -my nice brown and orange ones from france are literally coming apart at the seems, all my pencils ran out of led, very few of my pens still have ink. my leather bag is ripping, my cell phone antena broke off after i accidentally smashed it against the floor. what is going on?!

yes what the fck is going on. i have four papers to write in the next month. i'm freaking out. i'm wondering if i can do this. at the same time, some things are looking up - i got a package from matt and he sent me a new camera! thank you. seriously that was really nice. also i finally found a cute guy in the building to have a crush on.

had a wierd experience the other day. the guy that i usually get my pot from ended up getting busted and arrested. they let him out but he hasn't been to trial yet. anyways...he tells me the whole story --which i probably shouldn't write about on my blog-- but in the end it came to that he wants to hang out now and be my friend.

....

so i have to stop and think about that.

anyways i think i'm going out to the rainy streets and cafe's tonight to do work. i can't stay couped up in denny. the streets of this city are the great equalizers of its inhabitants, students, bums, punks, businessmen, chineese, japanese, german, spanish, moroccan, french, -you hear all these languages. i live in the part of the city that's really alive and i appreciate that....although sometimes it makes everything inside my head seem to scream at me in blinking lights, strong smells, rain, cars, people, cigerette smoke. a lot of people smoke here, which is surprising because this city projects itself to be so clean. emine oezdamars said "Rauchen ist das wichtigste Requisit eines Sozialisten."

i smoke. i wish i didn't but i do and i love it. i love rolling danish export in brown licorice papers.

i'm wearing darker eye make up these days. i think it goes better with the rain. also...i found the joker last week in the alley by my favorite cafe. now i have two jokers. damn the joker...i think he's what's messin with me right now.